Monday, March 10, 2008

The Dreaded Schedule

Yuck! Puke! Gag! Spit! Choke! Cry! Stomp my feet! My life has been reduced to a dreaded schedule!!! I'm a totally driven, self motivated, employee extrodonaire, hyper person. You think a schedule would already be part of my life. Well, it kinda is, but not to the point it needs to be now. I'm organized, efficient and a goal maker, but lately, I find no matter how hard I try I can't fit it all in. Then I get to the overwhelmed part of it where I want to run away and live in a camper. I've never wanted to give into a schedule because it's felt like a total loss of life. Where every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year is planned out and just blends into one blob of meaningless nothing. The same thing over and over and over. Get up at this time, eat at this time, wash clothes on this day, clean house on this day, pay bills on this day, talk to friends on this day, not to mention breaking it down by the hour. Now that's pure torture to my soul!!!! I live in a beautiful house, drive a fabulous car, have nice clothes and pay $100 to have my hair still look dorky. Like the song says, "you're a slave to the money then you die."

For years I have tried to make a schedule and it has never really worked. My life has never operated that way. When I took the personality classes in college, I was one of those people who saw the big picture, the entire forest. The person who gets a ton of things done, but not by the clock. I remember we had to plan a make-believe-trip to Washington D.C. The people in my group with the same personality traits as me said, we'll leave at this time, stay in this hotel and we want to see, A.B.C while we are there. The opposite group of like minded souls said, we will leave at exactly 6:00 am., arrive at such and such a time, take two pee breaks, eat lunch at such and such time, check into hotel at such and such a time, visit this place at this time, etc. Get my point?

It's so hard for me to function like that, but I really need some help to get everything done that needs to be done. I mean pretty much 5:30 am until 6:00 pm Monday through Friday revolves around my full time job. Then add in my art business, then add in my Silpada business, then add in bills, cleaning, food, friends, family, pets, book club, forums, marketing, emails, etc. and it's all gone to hell in a hand basket.

I've read all these wonderful books about time management and I can't help but feel like that is not my reality. I mean how do you tell a friend that needs a shoulder to cry on that she can only call on this day at this time because it is not on the schedule? How do you tell your husband that for the rest of our "working" lives that we will do the same things week after week after week? I don't even have children and it's hard for me. Every book I read talks about creating a ritual. Maybe I can deal with it better if I treat it as a ritual. Hmmmm let's see, some sacred time for cleaning the toilet, balancing the checkbook and making a grocery list. Yeah right!

What I really want is FREEDOM! I want to be that 21 year old again that went away with the love of her life every weekend to Hatteras to lay on the beach and read books. I want to LIVE again and have time for my husband, wine with friends, long meaningful conversations, time reading a good book, petting bunnies and days getting lost creating something fabulous with my hands that makes me smitten every time I look at it.

NBC nightly news reported a few weeks (or months) ago that most women are truly depressed from 30 until 65. That once they reach 70, they are happy again. I know why. It's because they finally get to live again without the dreaded schedule. They are truly FREE from responsibilities. Their life is not scheduled and planned out. It just happens....

Have a good week and if you have any scheduling advice, or advice in general, please post it here.



This week IGF, Mommy Sylvia (I love you) and my Dear Friend, Commander Miller. You both make my life so much richer.


sandi said...

Michelle, I have to say that I enjoy your blogs....they are refreshing! I am that schedule person! From 5am to 11pm I live by my calendar! It makes my life so much eaiser. Not to say that I can't make quick changes when needed! Just because you have a schedule doesn't mean there is no spontaneity! Sometimes time allowances for certain activities, not necessarily all, helps get the job done! So with that much said, good luck with your new venture into the Ritual:)

Vikki said...

Firstly, how can you start a blog with "Yuck, Gag" etc. when your beautiful face is staring at us!!!

Secondly, WHO said you needed a schedule? What you might need is a few slightly planned weekends of following your bliss....

Thirdly, I agree that you are not really a schedule person, but you do have a rythm to your life... it sounds like that rythm is a bit boring these days. Even when we carve time for our most wonderful interests, it can become routine.

Fourthly, I believe in seasons of life. Some seasons we are on the go go go. For example, a few blog posts ago you noted how completely bored you were (remember the handstands, etc.)???? Sounds like things are picking up again and there is not really time for play but work. Even without a schedule it seems there is an ebb and flow to the days, weeks and months. The ebb and flow of years become "seasons".

I'm really grateful for these posts. You are TOO funny and I really miss you!


Michelle May-The Raspberry Rabbits said...

Hey girlfriends,
Thanks for your comments. I think I rather enjoy the terms ritual and rythm. Yes, rythm. Kinda falls in line with the whole dancing thing don't ya think? Work is still slow and boring, but needless to say I am trapped there for at least 9 hours a day. I guess it gives me time to think about all the things I could be doing and well, would rather be doing. You know how it is. Seasons, yes Vikki, seasons. You have used this term many times before and I truly agree. 2007 was the season of "crap." 2008 is the season of self discovery, searching and hopefully figuring it all out.
Love ya'll and cherish your friendship so much!

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